My Life. Poor Me.

Today, I had an argument with somebody I really care about. It was because I think this person calling herself my ' friend ' always see her and never ask herself ' what do she think ? '. I know this because today I realize no matter what I said, I already have the same answer : ' It's not my fault, look at you  first '. Yes it's not a proof I know ... And I know too I'm not the best person in the world, I have bad parts, a lot, but I hope I have good parts too. The point is that it happen all the time : no matter how hard I try be kind, patient and nice, people finish by use me or talk to me for help with something and stop see the human in me. Only the ' good friend ' then I become so f*cking upset and say what I think, and start again, no friend, just me alone with my pain. 

I realize I play too much the ' i'm fine ' game. Always answer ' yes i'm fine thanks ' to everybody ask, for didn't have to explain why i'm sad, and like that don't be alone again. I didn't tell the people upset me they upset me. I don't want to meet people, or act friendly with stranger, only want to stay alone, like that nobody can hurt me. But I suffer from that. And that's all my fault. And I can't say it to anybody. I only want people to live happily. . . Not suffer from my moods. 

At the moment i'm the mood : if somebody talk to me I will answer what they want to hear, no matter if it's not what I think. But I will answer ' No ' to all the 'request' people send to me. 

I'm sad, maybe a little depressed. I can't think of anything happy and wan't to cry for hours when I just read the word ' Wesker'. I didn't sleep well, and when I sleep it's for have nightmare. I don't do art because I think all I done is ugly.  

Like always, i'm not okay but it's just a phase. It will pass. 

And I really want to say thanks to all of my friends who really care, yes yes, like you Ju'. You're the first in 20 years of living that ever call me and left a message on my phone just for ask how I am. ♥

I will may connect just for the notifications and didn't answer. If internet want. 

Thanks for read, and Take Care.